If Archaeology Professors Graded Movies

We asked our resident expert on all things Vesuvius to rate the new movie Pompeii in 3D.

The Volcano: Impressive, especially Mt. Vesuvius’s precision at hurling fireballs at those trying to escape.

The Art: Mixed. Architecture pretty darn good; sculpture wretched.

The Sex: Disappointingly absent.

The Plot: Muddled; think Titanic meets Gladiator with a volcano instead of a ship.

The Visuals: Compelling, especially the sword-fighting and toned abs.

The Dialogue: Campy. Best dying words:

Aurelia: “You must find Cassia.”
Milo: “Where is she?”
Aurelia: “She’s at the Villa!”

The Competition: Pompeii: The Exhibition, traveling next to the California Science Center.

Interior view of the crater of Mount Vesuvius, as it was before the eruption of 1767, Peter Fabris. Engraving in Sir William Hamilton, Campi Phlegraei: Observations on the volcanos of the two Sicilies…, 1776. The Getty Research Institute

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